18 and Always Laughing

If I had just a few minutes,

I wouldn't spend new time reflecting on time lost,

Time past.

Absence.

I would run to you,

Hug you,

Hold you,

Cling to you,

Spend my 9 years of grief trying to make you laugh.

Like when we were kids,

So I could just listen

Again, all those memories coming back to the body.

Limbs dancing and flailing in song and sport alongside you,

Bright blue eyes glancing across crowded rooms in search of mine

While our throats burned with stifled giggles.

Your heavy head on my shoulder,

Arms bearing the weight of your shaking body as you gave way to another fit of joy.

I would linger there in the echo, long after time ran out.

Your laugh a knot in my own throat,

The hard swallow of old grief

Down to my heart

Where a sea of youthful sadness surges occasionally

When I remember us, 18 and always laughing.

You, 18 and always laughing.

| C. Leslie